A Shoebox House, author, books, Dating, Ghosting, indie author, inspirational, love, memoir, online dating, reading, Uncategorized, Writing

A Shoebox House, Written by Rhonda Phelps

Coming in January 2019:

Finding a Spark when the Stakes are High

 It’s rare to find a date the organic way. Cyber-dating is the fad of the century, but it wasn’t what I expected when I signed up on Match.com. I had heard raving reviews about people on dating sites nurturing relationships, meeting their match, and pledging marriage. Many of my friends were tangled in the web of dating, and in spite of the online trolls that tried to sabotage the fun, unexpected friendships and romances manifested within a few months.

When sparks started to flow, the world was poised for pleasure and I was entwined in adventure with my internet boyfriend. Summer glistened on waterfalls, and the night life hosted fun and friends. Cultural intake from museums and live music linked our interests and we formed an indescribable bond. We were embracing life and sharing our stories.

One weekend in July when he came to town, I became flustered and disoriented and nothing was going right. I was beginning to doubt my rational existence, and two days after he departed – I was nudged near madness. My friendships were jeopardized, and I felt like a fool. My spirit was hollow, and I craved answers. Obsessed with redemption, I discovered the truth as it was revealed through a series of real-life emails, social media posts, message logs, hand-written letters and internet research.

It happens all the time…

Rhonda Phelps

All Rights Reserved

article, author, Celebrate, Dating, love, online dating, reading, Uncategorized, Writing

# 10 Ways to Win a Woman on a First Dinner Date

What is a first date? Not only do men and women appear to be different species, we all think differently, look different, react differently, everything is different. Dating is not a reason to go have sex with someone, because it is the means of spending enjoyable time with someone, with the possibilities of having a longer-term relationship.

There are some acceptable dating etiquette guidelines when taking a woman on a first date. A date does not include a hook-up, but meeting at an agreed destination is acceptable. These steps are appear to be “old-school”, so I would enjoy hearing a variety of successful first date techniques.  

#1 – Communicate: You’ll need to CALL her and ask her on a date. Hopefully, before this point you will have talked on the phone already. Texting, messaging, dating sites and social media are adequate for introducing yourself, but not for deciding if you want a date or relationship. Call for a date.

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#2 – Plan: Pick a comfortable place. You should already know where you are going for this spectacular event. Make sure it is a place she will enjoy, and tell her you are paying for everything. Yes, everything. Suck it up. If she wants to pay, refuse, and make sure it is clear before the date. If the woman insists on paying, cancel the date. Sorry, but that woman has power struggle issues. Unless that’s what you want.  (Note: Women with power struggle issues will be the women posting in my comments that they do not have power struggle issues, get it?)

#3 – First Impression: Only open the car door if it feels right and isn’t awkward. You should be able to pick up on that, if not, go home. If you meet at the place, remember the doors into buildings/rooms, always open the door for her.

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#4 – Safe: Guide her through the door and into the building/room by placing the palm of your hand gently on the” small of her back”, or the place on her spine between her hips and rib cage. Lightly, with only slight pressure, so she knows it is there. It is not meant to push her, or be sexual, but indicate she is safe with you. If she punches you in the face, maybe you did it wrong.

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#5 – Table etiquette: When you go into a restaurant, observe the chairs, because you’ll be sliding her chair out from the table for her to be seated. It attracts unnecessary attention if the chair scrapes across the floor. Most women will scoot the chair forward themselves. The hostess may pull the chair out for her, go with the flow. (Did you notice the chairs and setting in the picture above?)

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#6 – Food: Order a finger-food appetizer; merely food you eat with your fingers. Not messy barbecued ribs, but glamorous bites. Finger-foods create a primitive connection between a couple, and I can’t explain it. Tell your date that she may order anything she wants. Don’t worry, you’ll find out some information on this exercise and it’ll be worth it. I’m assuming you already did your research on what kind of food she likes.

#7 – Intimacy: Listen to her. Seriously. Remember what she says and ask her a question later in the date about a subject she was talking about. You may even try a couple of subjects. Find out what she is passionate about by using  your sparkling personality, and creatively approach the conversation. You are developing intimacy; an emotional bond that most women crave.

#8 – Sharing: Talk about yourself, but put a limit on it. On a first date, you should already know enough about each other via texting, a phone call, mutual friends, or a dating site. This is the time for both of you to have fun and talk about mutual interests. (If there are none, well, you know to ask more questions before a first date.)

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#9 – Affection: Do not let the affection and romance exceed past hugging and a occassional kiss. Kissing is bouncing on the boundary during the first date, but you don’t want to offend your date by acting like you don’t want to kiss her. Make sure you are a good kisser. A sloppy or wormy kiss is a deal-breaker. I’ve talked to a lot of women about this, so take it to heart.

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#10 – Sex: This is a tough one. Never have sex on the first date. There is a good chance you will lose respect for her. It may not feel like it at the time, but it will happen. If you want to have sex, arrange a hook-up with someone, because you’re not ready to date.

If you’ve gotten to the end of the date, and you want to go on another date, ask if you can CALL her. Texting is tempting because you can sneak in conversations anywhere, so text to keep in touch, but CALL when you are setting up the next date. Don’t make plans for the next date, just get a commitment. Kiss her good-bye.

Dates don’t come with guarantees, but if you really like someone, and you’re willing to share your time and energy with them, you’ll be anticipating the next date with undue excitement. Anything I’ve left out… that’s up to you.

Have a great next date!

Rhonda

my love.png

 

 

article, author, Dating, reading, Writing

Copyright “Common Law” and Social Media

My ex-boyfriend sent me a letter demanding that I delete all of his pictures, the poems he sent to me, emails, texts, photos… the “works”. He was explicit about me removing any and all of his “works” from social media, computers, external back-ups, and revoked his authorization for me publish any of his “works”. He also demanded that I mail him all hard copies of the above mentioned.

Then he threatened to contact a lawyer if I breached his “notice”.

Well, this prompted me to research Copyright laws. There is a “Common Law”, which entitles the originator of any “works” to immediately claim copyright.

If you have a letter, photo, email or text from someone, it is your property, and you retain possession, but you cannot “publish” it without the owners permission. It works both ways, so if you send something to someone, they cannot rightfully publish it without your permission.

With the vast sharing on social media, websites and other apps, the concern is rising. Most people and companies do not pursue any claims, but if they do, it is normally a notification of infringement, and they ask you to remove the published “work”.  None-the-less, you are at risk for a lawsuit if you publish other people’s stuff.

Many of the “works” floating around on the internet are stamped, indicating a copyright. As long as the intent isn’t slanderous or defaming, it appears as if most owners are okay with sharing, because it promotes their work.

If you are snap-shotting or copying a photo or document, and re-posting it, you may be in voiolation of the Copyright laws. There are resouces that offer free media, and several more that offer a subscription to access photos for commercial or personal use.

Out of courtesy, I removed 2 of my blog posts that had his picture, otherwise, I am completely legal in retaining all of the documents and items in his “notice”.

The question now is… why would I?

Ya know what I mean?

Thank you for reading my post.

Emjoy your day!

Rhonda

 

 

 

author, books, Celebrate, Christmas, Dating, indie author, online dating, party, peace, reading, Uncategorized, Writing

OH NO! I ate too much during the Holidays!

Who likes fruitcake? Thankfully, there are many other goodies available during the holidays!

Are you concerned about over-eating this Christmas and New Years? The good news is that home-made goodies are in abundance, and that minimizes consumption of the boxed foods that contain… who knows what.

Don’t tell yourself “It’s hard not to gain weight during the holidays”. Why? Because you will gain weight. You need to be specific. How about… “I am going to let myself gain 2 lbs during the holidays” or ” I am not going to gain weight during the holidays.” (I admit, that’s a tough one.)

Stay positive.

Next, don’t tell yourself that you ARE going to gain weight over the holidays, that’s a sure-fire way to set yourself up for failure if you are managing your weight. Set goals instead, keep the concept reasonable and attainable. Food is in abundance and it is very tempting. Before you leave your house for a party, set your limits. For example: I am going to try 6 different things, one of each. I love the sweets, so I am going to select which three I want to try. Do the same thing at home, every day. (Pick your own quantities.)

And for goodness sake, watch the alcoholic beverages and pop. Most cocktails have between 100-300 calories per drink; may as well eat snickers bars. Apply the same goals to your drinks.

So… you say you don’t want to disappoint or offend your host/hostess, and other appetizer contributors. It’s a valid concern. Here’s a solution:

Fellow party attendee, “Did you try my sugar cookies? It’s my great grandmother’s recipe.” (Now there’s a guilt trip.)

You, “Those look wonderful! I saw several people enjoying them. It’s amazing that you still have your great-grandmother’s recipe. Do you share the recipe? If there are some leftover, may I take a few home with me?”

At this point, the attendee been redirected, and probably hasn’t even noticed that you haven’t tried any. You’re off the hook and sticking to your quantity goals. You may want to rehearse a few appetizer side-stepping replies on your own, be creative.

Don’t let an obsession about gaining weight keep you from enjoying parties. I also highly recommend limiting your alcohol intake for other reasons… our judgement is not at our best under the influence of the inhibition destroyer. Watching what you eat and drink can also help to avoid indigestion, bloating, discomfort, flatulence, embarrassing situations and hangovers. And don’t forget about the infamous sugar buzz!

Now, you are armed with self-confidence, a positive attitude, a rockin’ ugly sweater or cocktail dress/suit, and a bright smile.

Out the door you go…

Have a great Christmas and New Year!

Thanks for visiting my post!
Peace,
Rhonda

 

author, books, Dating, Ghosting, memoir, online dating, reading, Uncategorized, Writing

A Shoebox House – Online Dating – A Visit to the Adult Store (Part I of II)

I am sharing from my rough draft of my book, “A Shoebox House”.  Previously, I posted the Introduction: Embracing Life, Parts I and II.

Follow my blog for more excerpts over the next few weeks.

This is part of a middle chapter – Erotique (Part I)

“Adult stores pique an interest with the masses, but only a few are brave enough to risk public humiliation. What was surprising is that Olivia didn’t bat an eye when she told me “sure”. I explained to her that my doctor gave me a prescription for a vibrator, for health reasons. I was unsure if I should tell her about the other reason, even if we were good friends, because it is very personal; either I was too small or he was too big.

Erotique is small and sassy and it is amidst some of the finer eating establishments located downtown near Willson Street. The risqué shop is known for its lingerie, sex toys, enhancements, vibrators and lubes and they advertise that relationships should be fun, fresh, and healthy. I used to get a creepy feeling about the place, but the new owner projects a different image, I could feel it. Now, I enjoy the turbulence the shop creates within a hypercritical community.

We drove into the center hub of Bozeman on a Saturday, an experience I try to avoid. I wish I could appreciate the city atmosphere and bask in its glory like some of the big city dwellers. I dreaded finding a parking spot, and I was one of “those” people who didn’t parallel park. The skinny concrete sidewalk is cracked and stained. We walked paralleling the historical brick building and it led us to Erotique’s blacked out door. On the side of the building, above the door, it looked like pink crepe paper was formed into the shape of a very large vagina, or at least that’s what it looked like to me.

I asked Olivia if she was nervous. She turned her beautiful brown eyes towards me, blinking a few times, apparently speechless, because she did not utter a sound. I hesitated before grabbing the door handle, and decided to pull down my sleeve to cover my hand, just in case. I strode into the forbidden cave confidentially with Olivia directly behind me, we were on a mission. I had been in Erotique before and it still looked the same; wire racks and colorful cabinets displayed assorted knick-knacks, and the deep red walls were lined with what-not… and more. The checkout counter was directly ahead and manned by an older gentleman wearing a nicely knit blue sweater. I avoided eye-contact and hastily turned right, which led us to the Great China Wall of vibrators and dildos.

Olivia was at a loss for words, and her eyes were occupied by the variety of sex toys suspended on hooks. We were drawn to a shoulder-height display where a few rubber playmates were exhibited. I turned my head side-ways, and then upright again; and even at a different angle, they were undoubtedly sex toys. I imagined that touching them would be like handling play dough art and pottery clay.”

“Indifferent Deceptions” – Erotique (to be continued)

**** Thank you for reading my post. I welcome your feedback on my writing ****

Peace,

Rhonda

author, books, Dating, Ghosting, memoir, online dating, reading, Uncategorized, Writing

A Shoebox House – Online Dating: Embracing Life – Intro Part II of II

I am sharing from the rough draft of my book, “A Shoebox House”.

Part 2 of the Introduction.

Follow my blog for more excerpts over the next few weeks.

Embracing Life (#2 of 2)

Image result for bozeman hot springs

“I was as much of a groupie as anyone when it came to rounding up the troops for a night out dancing to the “The Max”, a favorite band of many locals in Gallatin and Park County. The Bozeman Hot Springs is within 2 miles of my house, and I frequently worked out at the gym and soaked in the natural hot water. I could easily lose myself in a comedy, sci-fi, or a chick-flick at the big screen at the mall. The long scenic walks and hikes with fellow comrades provided an abundance of entertaining chit-chat and exercise.

Image result for downtown bozeman

The favorite local taverns, bars, and bistros display a variety of cocktails and hors d’oeuvers, and an excursion downtown suggested many opportunities to select the ultimate atmosphere of your choice. Some dwellings are of questionable repute, some are swanky or ritzy, and most have a comfortable air about them. Taking in a play at the theater, or a concert at one of the countless venues, had become a regular occurrence; there was no lack of entertainment.

My life was well designed, I was enthusiastic about starting my new job, and apparently, I was living in one of the most popular places on the continent.”

Next: Erotique (Parts #1 and #2)

****  Thank you for reading my post. I welcome your feedback! ****

Peace,

Rhonda

author, books, Dating, Ghosting, memoir, nature, online dating, reading, Uncategorized, Writing

A Shoebox House – Online Dating: Embracing Life – Intro Part I of II

I am sharing from my rough draft of my book “A Shoebox House”. This is the first part of the introduction….

Follow my blog for more excerpts.

Embracing Life (1 of 2):

“The old two-lane asphalt and dirt roads were well used; agriculture in the surrounding fields was at its peak, and the unblocked mountainous views were phenomenal. I was fortunate to have been raised in a small town in Montana where community was of the essence. As teenagers, we knew all the places we could go hide from our parents, mostly in the forested or private areas; Hyalite Canyon, the Rain Forest, Blueberry Hill, and the Madison River – to name a few. I relied on nature to revive me. The scents of the earth and pine trees were irresistible, and the sound of the rushing rivers and babbling brooks gave me a sense of tranquility.

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(Sunrise outside of Bozeman)

2017
I was single, loving life, and embracing it as though there were no tomorrow. I spent most of my free time surrounded by close girlfriends; giggling and throwing parties that included cocktails, murder mystery weekends and anything we could think of to join together in merriment. Mimosa and exquisitely prepared appetizers were often on the menu, we were caught up in making a treasure box of cherished memories.

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(Hiking: Sourdough Canyon, Gallatin County)

Bozeman is a small city in Montana that sprouted into somewhat of a social and cultural web over the past few years. The locals joked about living in “BozeAngeles”, with the hustle-bustle crowds accumulating every month, and the construction was non-stop. Fancy motels, lavish condos, conventional businesses, and a multitude of houses and recreational parks were rising up on every corner.

It created an air of prosperity, metropolis, and technology. Bozeman was changing at a rapid pace.”

Embracing Life Part II (to be continued)

***** Thank you for reading my post! If you have any feedback on my writing, I would be glad to hear it. *****

Peace,
Rhonda

Dating, online dating, Photography

What’s in a picture? Can you see it with my words…. ?

I met this man online a few months ago (on Facebook). He sent me this picture and he said it was taken about 4 years ago. It is common for people who are online sites to post pictures that are not recent, and a few weeks later he sent me a selfie to show what he currently looked like, and I was not surprised to see it was very different. We were not pursuing a long-distance dating relationship, and an honest friendship blossomed from our conversations. I described his picture below… a sample of my writing similar to my book, “Indifferent Deceptions”.

“The first thing I notice is his casual smile, and his intense blue eyes; I feel as if he is studying me. Since he looks slightly amused, I imagine he is engaged in a light conversation with his companion. He may be alone, but he does not look lonely. In a friendly fashion, his left shoulder is leaning down and angled slightly lower than the right. His eyebrows are raised, exhibiting a much darker shade than the long blonde strands of hair resting on his shoulder.

Below his mysterious eyes are soft cheekbones that catch the very top of his smile and frame his well-shaped nose. His strong jaw-line catches the significant features of his face, and his neck drapes down, showing the well-deserved lines of time. The faded jean shirt he is wearing is bleached, almost white. The sleeves are cut off at the shoulder and display white frays – indicating that it is a favorite.

As I glance at the photo on and off, I see a proud man, someone who would “come to the rescue”. A long forehead leads to a tuft of gray hair that triangles out and leads to the longer locks that rescue him from the dreaded look of old age. With his shirt bared open, I can see his curly chest hair in shades of gray and the natural color that also highlights his tresses. As I proceed, I wonder if I should share that I desire kissable lips… it’s all in the kiss.

Dare I say anymore…”

Thank you for joining me and reading my post! Have a terrific day!
Rhonda

(Photo credit: William Earl Thornton)

Dating, Ghosting

What is Ghosting?

Ghosting is a common phenomenon that actually has its own word in the dictionary now. It has been alive for centuries and now it has developed into a cultural activity that is one of the stepping stones into the deterioration of humanity and social relationships. At the very least, it is when someone is too immature to let you know they are not interested in a relationship with you, so they just disappear; falling into the category of “Mean People Suck”.

I have read several articles and blogs about “Ghosting” and the real problem is that nobody knows what do to about it, so let’s just write about it. I read a blog written by a guy “In Defense of Ghosting Out of Relationships”. That explains part of it and is like saying “I am a total jerk and I know it’s not right to Ghost someone, but I don’t give a crap and I’m going to do it anyway”. I view it the same as running over an elderly lady on the street; it’s definitely wrong… but he’s going to do it anyway.

It’s become so common that there are different levels and tiers of Ghosting ranging from a simple swipe on a dating site, blocking someone on social media, blowing someone off after a few dates, and yes, terminating a long-term relationship by simply disappearing. Ghosting is one of the most severe forms of the “silent treatment” and wreaks havoc on the mind’s ability to even process what happened. Anyone who has been Ghosted knows the effects on a person’s self-esteem, increasing self-doubt, obsessing, making excuses for the lame offender, and questioning every other relationship in their life and sometimes… their mere existence.

After experiencing Ghosting myself, I read up on how to deal with it. I can guarantee you that nothing anybody writes or says will be your solution. All of the advice and recommendations seemed obvious to me, and were somewhat valuable, but simply following a text book or the advice of another person will not work. It is a journey that can only be undertaken by the person who has been Ghosted, and it’s not easy to recreate a new reality.

I heard statements like: “just get over it”, “do what you have to do,” “why are you taking this so hard”, “are you okay”, “are you okay”, “are you okay”, “don’t feel bad, it happened to me too”… and who knows what people were saying behind my back.

Don’t even get me started on “#Catfishing”…
(To be continued)

If you have been “Ghosted”, please feel free to share your experience…