A Shoebox House, by Rhonda Phelps

Coming in September:

It’s rare to find a date the organic way. Cyber-dating is the fad of the century, but it wasn’t what I expected when I signed up on Match.com. I had heard raving reviews about people on dating sites nurturing relationships, meeting their match, and pledging marriage. In spite of the online trolls that tried to sabotage the fun, unexpected friendships and romance manifested within a few months.

When sparks started to flow, the world was poised for pleasure and I was entwined in adventure with my internet boyfriend. Picnics, splashing in the rain, and gentle massages accompanied fine wine, succulent grapes and brie cheese. Summer glistened on waterfalls while hiking in the spacious national forests, and the night life hosted fun and friends. The cultural intake from museums, car show’s and live music linked our interests and we formed an indescribable bond. We were embracing life.

One weekend when he came to town, I became flustered and disoriented and everything was going wrong. I was beginning to doubt my rational existence. Two days later I was tossed into a lifeless and foreign world, and my friendships were in jeopardy. I felt like a fool, my spirit was hollow, and I craved answers. Obsessed with redemption, I discovered the truth as it was revealed through a series of real life emails, social media, Messenger logs and hand-written letters.

All Rights Reserved

# 10 Ways to Win a Woman on a First Dinner Date

What is a first date? Not only do men and women appear to be different species, we all think differently, look different, react differently, everything is different. Dating is not a reason to go have sex with someone, because it is the means of spending enjoyable time with someone, with the possibilities of having a longer-term relationship.

There are some acceptable dating etiquette guidelines when taking a woman on a first date. A date does not include a hook-up, but meeting at an agreed destination is acceptable. These steps are appear to be “old-school”, so I would enjoy hearing a variety of successful first date techniques.  

#1 – Communicate: You’ll need to CALL her and ask her on a date. Hopefully, before this point you will have talked on the phone already. Texting, messaging, dating sites and social media are adequate for introducing yourself, but not for deciding if you want a date or relationship. Call for a date.

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#2 – Plan: Pick a comfortable place. You should already know where you are going for this spectacular event. Make sure it is a place she will enjoy, and tell her you are paying for everything. Yes, everything. Suck it up. If she wants to pay, refuse, and make sure it is clear before the date. If the woman insists on paying, cancel the date. Sorry, but that woman has power struggle issues. Unless that’s what you want.  (Note: Women with power struggle issues will be the women posting in my comments that they do not have power struggle issues, get it?)

#3 – First Impression: Only open the car door if it feels right and isn’t awkward. You should be able to pick up on that, if not, go home. If you meet at the place, remember the doors into buildings/rooms, always open the door for her.

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#4 – Safe: Guide her through the door and into the building/room by placing the palm of your hand gently on the” small of her back”, or the place on her spine between her hips and rib cage. Lightly, with only slight pressure, so she knows it is there. It is not meant to push her, or be sexual, but indicate she is safe with you. If she punches you in the face, maybe you did it wrong.

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#5 – Table etiquette: When you go into a restaurant, observe the chairs, because you’ll be sliding her chair out from the table for her to be seated. It attracts unnecessary attention if the chair scrapes across the floor. Most women will scoot the chair forward themselves. The hostess may pull the chair out for her, go with the flow. (Did you notice the chairs and setting in the picture above?)

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#6 – Food: Order a finger-food appetizer; merely food you eat with your fingers. Not messy barbecued ribs, but glamorous bites. Finger-foods create a primitive connection between a couple, and I can’t explain it. Tell your date that she may order anything she wants. Don’t worry, you’ll find out some information on this exercise and it’ll be worth it. I’m assuming you already did your research on what kind of food she likes.

#7 – Intimacy: Listen to her. Seriously. Remember what she says and ask her a question later in the date about a subject she was talking about. You may even try a couple of subjects. Find out what she is passionate about by using  your sparkling personality, and creatively approach the conversation. You are developing intimacy; an emotional bond that most women crave.

#8 – Sharing: Talk about yourself, but put a limit on it. On a first date, you should already know enough about each other via texting, a phone call, mutual friends, or a dating site. This is the time for both of you to have fun and talk about mutual interests. (If there are none, well, you know to ask more questions before a first date.)

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#9 – Affection: Do not let the affection and romance exceed past hugging and a occassional kiss. Kissing is bouncing on the boundary during the first date, but you don’t want to offend your date by acting like you don’t want to kiss her. Make sure you are a good kisser. A sloppy or wormy kiss is a deal-breaker. I’ve talked to a lot of women about this, so take it to heart.

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#10 – Sex: This is a tough one. Never have sex on the first date. There is a good chance you will lose respect for her. It may not feel like it at the time, but it will happen. If you want to have sex, arrange a hook-up with someone, because you’re not ready to date.

If you’ve gotten to the end of the date, and you want to go on another date, ask if you can CALL her. Texting is tempting because you can sneak in conversations anywhere, so text to keep in touch, but CALL when you are setting up the next date. Don’t make plans for the next date, just get a commitment. Kiss her good-bye.

Dates don’t come with guarantees, but if you really like someone, and you’re willing to share your time and energy with them, you’ll be anticipating the next date with undue excitement. Anything I’ve left out… that’s up to you.

Have a great next date!

Rhonda

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Copyright “Common Law” and Social Media

My ex-boyfriend sent me a letter demanding that I delete all of his pictures, the poems he sent to me, emails, texts, photos… the “works”. He was explicit about me removing any and all of his “works” from social media, computers, external back-ups, and revoked his authorization for me publish any of his “works”. He also demanded that I mail him all hard copies of the above mentioned.

Then he threatened to contact a lawyer if I breached his “notice”.

Well, this prompted me to research Copyright laws. There is a “Common Law”, which entitles the originator of any “works” to immediately claim copyright.

If you have a letter, photo, email or text from someone, it is your property, and you retain possession, but you cannot “publish” it without the owners permission. It works both ways, so if you send something to someone, they cannot rightfully publish it without your permission.

With the vast sharing on social media, websites and other apps, the concern is rising. Most people and companies do not pursue any claims, but if they do, it is normally a notification of infringement, and they ask you to remove the published “work”.  None-the-less, you are at risk for a lawsuit if you publish other people’s stuff.

Many of the “works” floating around on the internet are stamped, indicating a copyright. As long as the intent isn’t slanderous or defaming, it appears as if most owners are okay with sharing, because it promotes their work.

If you are snap-shotting or copying a photo or document, and re-posting it, you may be in voiolation of the Copyright laws. There are resouces that offer free media, and several more that offer a subscription to access photos for commercial or personal use.

Out of courtesy, I removed 2 of my blog posts that had his picture, otherwise, I am completely legal in retaining all of the documents and items in his “notice”.

The question now is… why would I?

Ya know what I mean?

Thank you for reading my post.

Emjoy your day!

Rhonda

 

 

 

OH NO! I ate too much during the Holidays!

Who likes fruitcake? Thankfully, there are many other goodies available during the holidays!

Are you concerned about over-eating this Christmas and New Years? The good news is that home-made goodies are in abundance, and that minimizes consumption of the boxed foods that contain… who knows what.

Don’t tell yourself “It’s hard not to gain weight during the holidays”. Why? Because you will gain weight. You need to be specific. How about… “I am going to let myself gain 2 lbs during the holidays” or ” I am not going to gain weight during the holidays.” (I admit, that’s a tough one.)

Stay positive.

Next, don’t tell yourself that you ARE going to gain weight over the holidays, that’s a sure-fire way to set yourself up for failure if you are managing your weight. Set goals instead, keep the concept reasonable and attainable. Food is in abundance and it is very tempting. Before you leave your house for a party, set your limits. For example: I am going to try 6 different things, one of each. I love the sweets, so I am going to select which three I want to try. Do the same thing at home, every day. (Pick your own quantities.)

And for goodness sake, watch the alcoholic beverages and pop. Most cocktails have between 100-300 calories per drink; may as well eat snickers bars. Apply the same goals to your drinks.

So… you say you don’t want to disappoint or offend your host/hostess, and other appetizer contributors. It’s a valid concern. Here’s a solution:

Fellow party attendee, “Did you try my sugar cookies? It’s my great grandmother’s recipe.” (Now there’s a guilt trip.)

You, “Those look wonderful! I saw several people enjoying them. It’s amazing that you still have your great-grandmother’s recipe. Do you share the recipe? If there are some leftover, may I take a few home with me?”

At this point, the attendee been redirected, and probably hasn’t even noticed that you haven’t tried any. You’re off the hook and sticking to your quantity goals. You may want to rehearse a few appetizer side-stepping replies on your own, be creative.

Don’t let an obsession about gaining weight keep you from enjoying parties. I also highly recommend limiting your alcohol intake for other reasons… our judgement is not at our best under the influence of the inhibition destroyer. Watching what you eat and drink can also help to avoid indigestion, bloating, discomfort, flatulence, embarrassing situations and hangovers. And don’t forget about the infamous sugar buzz!

Now, you are armed with self-confidence, a positive attitude, a rockin’ ugly sweater or cocktail dress/suit, and a bright smile.

Out the door you go…

Have a great Christmas and New Year!

Thanks for visiting my post!
Peace,
Rhonda

 

A Shoebox House – Online Dating : From Chapter 2 – Zombie Squirrel, A Romantic Walk

Here is an excerpt from the 2nd chapter of my book “A Shoebox House”. This is a cute scenario at the park on the first day I met Luke.

“Luke was a gentleman and I never felt pressured or awkward about talking, or my appearance; I felt accepted. Although, I was still not sure what to think about Luke, I reflected on his profile, and accepted that it matched his demeanor and attitude.

I noticed that there were little squirrels everywhere, running up and down the walking paths and scurrying up trees. These squirrels had big, bushy tails, and were obviously well fed,their beady eyeballs were bright and alert. Luke and I walked side-by-side along the trail that circles the pond. Tall trees lined the path and obviously provided the much needed shade in the summer. Luke was always by my side, but he never took my hand or invaded my external comfort zone.

As we proceeded down the trail, the brave squirrels came right up to us; searching for a handout. I assumed Luke came to the park often because he had a supply of peanuts in his coat pocket and was ready to delve them out; like pennies in a wishing well. I turned around at one point, slightly startled, and one bold little bugger was chasing us, apparently he wanted more. He was galloping after us at a rapid pace, and I was envisioning a horror movie with zombie squirrels. I grabbed Luke’s arm as if he were going to rescue me. I felt the softness of his flannel shirt, and embraced the touch, however brief, of another human being, a man. In an uneventful fashion, Luke tossed him another peanut… and laughed at me. I smiled as the zombie squirrel bounced off with his treasure.”

Thank you for visiting my post today! I appreciate it.
Enjoy life.
Peace
Rhonda

What’s in a picture? Can you see it with my words…. ?

I met this man online a few months ago (on Facebook). He sent me this picture and he said it was taken about 4 years ago. It is common for people who are online sites to post pictures that are not recent, and a few weeks later he sent me a selfie to show what he currently looked like, and I was not surprised to see it was very different. We were not pursuing a long-distance dating relationship, and an honest friendship blossomed from our conversations. I described his picture below… a sample of my writing similar to my book, “Indifferent Deceptions”.

“The first thing I notice is his casual smile, and his intense blue eyes; I feel as if he is studying me. Since he looks slightly amused, I imagine he is engaged in a light conversation with his companion. He may be alone, but he does not look lonely. In a friendly fashion, his left shoulder is leaning down and angled slightly lower than the right. His eyebrows are raised, exhibiting a much darker shade than the long blonde strands of hair resting on his shoulder.

Below his mysterious eyes are soft cheekbones that catch the very top of his smile and frame his well-shaped nose. His strong jaw-line catches the significant features of his face, and his neck drapes down, showing the well-deserved lines of time. The faded jean shirt he is wearing is bleached, almost white. The sleeves are cut off at the shoulder and display white frays – indicating that it is a favorite.

As I glance at the photo on and off, I see a proud man, someone who would “come to the rescue”. A long forehead leads to a tuft of gray hair that triangles out and leads to the longer locks that rescue him from the dreaded look of old age. With his shirt bared open, I can see his curly chest hair in shades of gray and the natural color that also highlights his tresses. As I proceed, I wonder if I should share that I desire kissable lips… it’s all in the kiss.

Dare I say anymore…”

Thank you for joining me and reading my post! Have a terrific day!
Rhonda

(Photo credit: William Earl Thornton)

What is Ghosting?

Ghosting is a common phenomenon that actually has its own word in the dictionary now. It has been alive for centuries and now it has developed into a cultural activity that is one of the stepping stones into the deterioration of humanity and social relationships. At the very least, it is when someone is too immature to let you know they are not interested in a relationship with you, so they just disappear; falling into the category of “Mean People Suck”.

I have read several articles and blogs about “Ghosting” and the real problem is that nobody knows what do to about it, so let’s just write about it. I read a blog written by a guy “In Defense of Ghosting Out of Relationships”. That explains part of it and is like saying “I am a total jerk and I know it’s not right to Ghost someone, but I don’t give a crap and I’m going to do it anyway”. I view it the same as running over an elderly lady on the street; it’s definitely wrong… but he’s going to do it anyway.

It’s become so common that there are different levels and tiers of Ghosting ranging from a simple swipe on a dating site, blocking someone on social media, blowing someone off after a few dates, and yes, terminating a long-term relationship by simply disappearing. Ghosting is one of the most severe forms of the “silent treatment” and wreaks havoc on the mind’s ability to even process what happened. Anyone who has been Ghosted knows the effects on a person’s self-esteem, increasing self-doubt, obsessing, making excuses for the lame offender, and questioning every other relationship in their life and sometimes… their mere existence.

After experiencing Ghosting myself, I read up on how to deal with it. I can guarantee you that nothing anybody writes or says will be your solution. All of the advice and recommendations seemed obvious to me, and were somewhat valuable, but simply following a text book or the advice of another person will not work. It is a journey that can only be undertaken by the person who has been Ghosted, and it’s not easy to recreate a new reality.

I heard statements like: “just get over it”, “do what you have to do,” “why are you taking this so hard”, “are you okay”, “are you okay”, “are you okay”, “don’t feel bad, it happened to me too”… and who knows what people were saying behind my back.

Don’t even get me started on “#Catfishing”…
(To be continued)

If you have been “Ghosted”, please feel free to share your experience…